Randall Munson Presents
International Signs
Excerpt from Randall's Personal Humor File

English well speeched here

The sign in a Norwegian lounge reads:
Ladies are requested not to have children in the bar

In a hotel in Athens:
Visitors are expected to complain at the office between the hours of 9 and 11 a.m. Daily.

In a certain African hotel you may choose between:
A room with a view on the sea or the backside of the country

A hotel notice in Madrid informs:
If you wish disinfection enacted in your presence, please cry out for the chambermaid,

This notice was posted on a Bucharest, Rumania hotel elevator:
The lift is being fixed for the next days. During that time we regret that you will be unbearable.

Tacked on the door of a Moscow hotel room:
If this is your first visit to the USSR, you are welcome to it.

In a Yugoslavian hotel:
The flattening of underwear with pleasure is the job of the chambermaid.

In the window of a Swedish furrier the message reads:
Fur coats made for ladies from their own skin.

In a Leipzig elevator:
Do not enter the lift backwards, and only when lit up.

In a Belgrade hotel elevator:
To move the cabin, push button for wishing floor. If the cabin should enter more persons, each one should press a number of wishing floor. Driving is then going alphabetically by national order.

In a Paris hotel elevator:
Please leave values at the front desk

In an Austrian hotel catering to skiers:
Do not perambulate the corridors in the hours of repose in the boots of ascension

The sign at the concierge's desk in an Athens hotel reads
If you consider our help impolite, you should see the manager

A sign in a Kowloon hotel warns:
Is forbidden to steal hotel towels. Please if you are not person to do such is please not to read notice.

In a Swiss Mountain Inn:
Special today no ice cream

The room service in a Lisbon hotel tells you:
If you wish for breakfast, lift the telephone and ask for roomservice. This will be enough for you to bring your food up

From a Japanese information booklet about using a hotel air conditioner:
Cooles and Heates: If you want just condition of warm in your room, please control yourself.

In the lobby of a Moscow hotel across from a Russian Orthodox monastery:
You are welcome to visit the cemetery where famous Russian and Soviet composers, artists, and writers are buried daily except Thursday.

A translated sentence from a Russian chess book:
A lot of water has been passed under the bridge since this variation has been played.

In a Zurich hotel:
Because of the impropriety of entertaining guests of the opposite sex in the bedroom, it is suggested that the lobby be used for this purpose.

From the Soviet Weekly:
There will be a Moscow Exhibition of Arts by 15,000 Soviet Republic painters and sculptors. These were executed over the past two years.

From an East African newspaper:
A new swimming pool is rapidly taking shape since the contractors have thrown in the bulk of their workers.

The concierge in a Sorrento hotel lets guests know he's on the job:
Contact the concierge immediately for informations. Please don't wait last minutes then it will be too late to arrange any inconveniences.

This sign was posted in a Scottish harbor:
For sale boat single owner green in colour

A sign at Budapest's zoo requests:
Please do not feed the animals. If you have any suitable food give it to the guard on duty.

A Polish hotel informs prospective visitors in a flyer:
As for the trout served you at the hotel monopol, you will be singing its praise to your grandchildren as you lie on your deathbed.

A Seville tailor makes clear how he will handle commissions:
Order now your summers suit. Because is big rush we will execute customers in strict rotation

A sign on a clothing store in Brussels read:
Come inside and have a fit

Outside a Paris dress shop:
Dresses for street walking

In a Tokyo shop:
Our nylons cost more than common, but you'll find they are best in the long run.

Outside a Hong Kong dress shop:
Ladies have fits upstairs

A dentist's doorway in Istanbul proclaims:
American dentist, 2th floor. Teeth extracted by latest Methodists.

An airline ticket office in Copenhagen reminds you:
We take your bags and send them in all directions.

In a Bangkok temple:
It is forbidden to enter a woman even a foreigner if dressed as a man.

On the box of a clockwork toy made in Hong Kong:
Guaranteed to work throughout its useful life.

Detour sign in Kyushi, Japan:
Stop: Drive Sideways

From a brochure of a car rental firm in Tokyo:
When passengers of foot heave in sight, tootle the horn. Trumpet him melodiously at first, but if he will still obstacles your passage then tootle him with vigor.

In an Acapulco hotel:
The manager has personally passed all the water served here.

Some German hospitals now display the sign:
No children allowed in the maternity wards.

In the office of a Roman medical:
Specialist in women and other diseases

Visitors in Czechoslovakia are invited by the tourist agency to:
Take one of our horse-driven city tours - we guarantee no miscarriages.

A Rome laundry suggests:
Ladies, leave your clothes here and spend the afternoon having a good time.

In a Bangkok dry cleaner's:
Drop your trousers here for best results

A sign posted in Germany's Black Forest reads:
It is strictly forbidden on our Black Forest camping site that people of different sex, for instance, men and women, live together in one tent unless they are married with each other for that purpose.

In a Hong Kong supermarket:
For your convenience, we recommend courteous, efficient, self -service

A London eaterie advertised for help this way:
WANTED: man to wash dishes and two waitresses

On the menu of a Swiss restaurant:
Our wines leave you nothing to hope for

On the menu of a Polish hotel:
Salad a firm's own make; limpid red beet soup with cheesy dumplings in the form of a finger; roasted duck let loose; beef rashers beaten up n the country people's fashion

In the window of a Swedish furrier the message reads:
Fur coats made for ladies from their own skin.

A notice in a Vienna hotel urges:
In case of fire do your utmost to alarm the hall porter.

Two signs from a Majorcan shop entrance:
English well talking
Here speeching American

Source:
Randall Munson's collection including Far Eastern Economic Review.


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